Sometimes Things Don't Always Go As You Planned
by RkieFan
Summary: An anticipated event ends tragically, almost claiming Jill's life in the process.


DISCLAIMER: The characters are the property of Viacom Entertainment and Spelling/Goldberg Productions. No copyright infringement is intended. I retain the rights to the story, not the characters. Please do not copy without my permission.  
  
TITLE: Sometimes Things Don't Always Go As Planned  
  
RATING: R  
  
SETTING: The Fall of 1980, four years after the series ended.  
  
SUMMARY: An anticipated event ends tragically, almost ending Jill's life in the process.  
The story is a prequel to 'Trying To Find Reasons.'  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I want to thank Bridget for beta reading, as always. I also want to apologize to those of you out there who might be tired of me writing of nothing but tragedy for the Danko's. What can I say? Angst is my specialty. I'll leave the lighter stuff to my buddy Bridget.  
  
I also want to thank Miranda and Shannon Gabrielle for being my inspiration for a lot of the things that Mary Kate says in this story, especially for the 'Angels Watching Over Me' song.  
  
CHAPTER ONE: The Birthday Party (July Of 1980)  
  
It was a hot July afternoon. Jill Danko was trying to keep her eyes on the large group of small children playing noisily in their backyard, her own small daughter enjoying being the center of attention. In the opposite corner of the backyard, her husband Mike was busy himself trying to grill hot dogs for the group of children and adults assembled for their daughter Mary Kathryn's third birthday.  
  
Jennifer Gillis came outside to help Jill out, toting her one-year-old daughter Natalie on one hip. Jill smiled as Jennifer put Natalie in her playpen, away from the crush of the older children.  
  
"All cleaned up, I see," Jill smiled as Jen handed Natalie a bottle.  
  
"Finally. I didn't think it was possible for one small baby to get so filthy," Jen sighed. "When did you want to bring the cake out?"  
  
"As soon as possible. I've already had about three thousand requests for it and that's just from the birthday girl. Let me go get it," Jill said, going back into the house.  
  
Jill took the candles and placed them around the chocolate cake. She was about to light them when Mike walked into the house.  
  
"Ah, I was just about to check on the progress of the cake. We're getting hungry," Mike said, clasping his hands together as Jill laughed at him.  
  
"This is your daughter's birthday cake, Sarge, not a snack for you and your buddies. Get the door," Jill instructed, lighting the candles on the cake and following Mike out the door.  
  
After singing 'Happy Birthday' and feeding cake and ice cream to all of the children, it was time to open presents. The little girl with the unbelievably curly hair ripped through miles of wrapping paper.  
  
Their parent's had picked up most of the children by dinnertime. The only children still at the house besides Mary Kathryn were Willie and Jennifer Gillis' two children, Natalie and 5-year-old Thomas Andrew, Mary Kathryn's best friend.   
  
The adults were playing cards at the dining room table while the two older children watched TV in the living room and Natalie slept in her playpen.   
  
"I'm out," Willie sighed in disgust as he threw his cards down on the table. "As much as I hate to say this, I think it's about time we went home and put the kids to bed so we can go there ourselves."  
  
"Man, I remember a time when we could stay up till the wee hours of the morning doing this," Terry said, still the confirmed bachelor.  
  
"Yeah, well, that was BK," Mike replied.  
  
"BK?" Terry asked curiously.  
  
"Before Kids," Jill confirmed as Terry nodded. "I just hope she's wound down enough to get her to go to sleep."  
  
Fortunately, the events of the day had caught up with their small daughter and she went to sleep in no time. Jill pulled her door partially closed before going into hers' and Mike's bedroom.  
  
"Asleep, huh?" Mike asked with a knowing grin.  
  
"As soon as her head hit the pillow," Jill confirmed as she climbed into bed wearily. "I'll probably do the same thing. Are you going to read much longer?" She asked, indicating the book in Mike's hand.  
  
"No, I'm about finished. Don't you think it's time we started talking about a brother or sister for Mary Kate?" Mike asked, lying down on his side beside Jill.  
  
"Well, we could talk about it, but if I remember from biology, talking isn't going to be very productive," Jill commented wryly.  
  
"You know what I mean," Mike said, rolling his eyes and trailing his finger down her face. "Let's have another baby."  
  
"Are you serious?" She asked, excited and a little nervous. She'd had a miscarriage before she'd had Mary Kate and that made her a little anxious.  
  
"Sure. Why not? We could have a little boy. Make it a matched set," he suggested, eyes twinkling. He could only guess what was going on in her mind right now.  
  
"I'm game if you are," she finally decided after a few seconds.   
  
"All right!" He kissed her passionately.  
  
  
  
  
Jill couldn't believe how busy her job kept her these days. Between taking care of Mike and Mary Kathryn and her work at the hospital, most days she was on the go from morning until dark. She was busy one afternoon when one of her supervisors asked her to report to a meeting after work. Jill nervously walked into the office after her shift was over, wondering what was going on. When she saw several of her supervisors sitting around a long table, she was sure something was wrong.  
  
"Jill, please sit down," one of the supervisors offered, indicating an empty seat.  
  
Jill did as instructed, trying to keep her knees from knocking. She folded her hands on the table in front of her and looked at the sea of faces surrounding her. All of them were familiar to her.  
  
"We asked you here today to ask you if you'd be interested in a position that's going to be opening up in administration the first of November. Mrs. Moran is going to be taking a position in another department and she recommended you for this job in the emergency room. She recommended you quite highly, as a matter of fact," the head supervisor told her. "The position would, of course, be accompanied by a substantial increase in your present salary."  
  
"When would you need to have my answer?" Jill asked slowly.  
  
"As soon as possible. I know November is still a few months away, but we'd like to have the position filled and the person trained by that date," the supervisor told her.  
  
"I see. I'm flattered that you'd consider me for the position," Jill explained thoughtfully. "I'd like to think about it and talk to my husband. I can let you know something by the first of September."   
  
"If the hours are a problem, we could work something out," the supervisor advised her.  
  
"Please don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for the job offer, but I've filled in on that position while Mrs. Moran was out and I don't think anything can be done about the hours. That's just the way it is. I'd also like to see my daughter grow up."   
  
"If you had a guarantee of a straight 8-to-5 shift, would that persuade you?" One of the other supervisors asked.  
  
"If it were guaranteed and I could get it in writing, yes, that would probably persuade me," Jill replied honestly.  
  
"Let us see what we can work out on our end. We very much want you for the job, Jill. You've been here a long time and you know almost everybody connected with this hospital," another supervisor told her. "So, let us have a few round tables among ourselves and we'll talk again in a couple of weeks."  
  
  
  
When Jill pulled into the driveway a short time later, Mike's car was already in the driveway, meaning he'd picked Mary Kathryn up from Jen and Willie's house. She walked through the house to the backyard. Mike was sitting at the picnic table studying for the upcoming Sergeant's exam while Mary Kathryn was sitting in her sand box throwing sand all over the backyard and herself. Jill shook her head as she sat down beside Mike. She knew he was completely oblivious to the mess his look-a-like daughter was making of herself.   
  
"Hey, Sarge," she greeted, kissing the top of his head. "Your daughter has completely buried herself in the sand box. Fire and rescue might have to dig her out."  
  
"Nah, I'll call the S.W.A.T. team. How was your day?" He asked, turning around and pulling her close as he kissed her.  
  
"Interesting. I got offered a job today," she smiled, clasping her arms around his waist.   
  
"I thought you had a job. Or, I should say, you were leaving the house everyday. We even saw you at the hospital some days. Are you going to now tell me that you were donning a nurse's uniform but you weren't really working? How do you explain how you were getting paid every two weeks?" Mike teased.  
  
"I got offered a job in administration. In the emergency room. Meggy's being promoted and she recommended me for her position. What do you think?" Jill asked, snuggling closer while still keeping an eye on Mary Kathryn.  
  
"Wait! Is this the same job she has now where she goes in at six in the morning and works until midnight every day? Please tell me you didn't accept," Mike asked, feeling slightly sick. The hours were an exaggeration, but he knew from Meggy's husband, Roger, the kind of hours his wife pulled and the amount of overtime often involved.  
  
"I gave them some conditions for my acceptance. They're going to see what they can do," Jill told him. "It would mean more money."  
  
"Money isn't everything," Mike complained grumpily.  
  
"Mike, we live in a house that is constantly a work in progress. In this case, money IS everything," Jill told him firmly, getting up and walking over to the sand box. "Let me get her inside and cleaned up and we'll talk more after dinner." She picked up their daughter and walked into the house.  
  
"It doesn't sound like there's anything to talk about," Mike complained unhappily as he followed her inside.   
  
  
  
A couple of hours later Jill took Mary Kathryn into her bedroom to get her ready for bed. She turned on the lamp beside her bed and still watched in fascination as the moon and stars revolved around the small bedroom. The lamp had been a baby gift and Mary Kathryn refused to go to sleep unless the moon and stars were on in her room.  
  
"Come on, let's say your prayers," Jill instructed, turning the covers back on the bed.  
  
"Cat In The Hat, mommy," Mary Kathryn told her mother, flashing her Mike's smile..  
  
"You know that's not how we do it. Prayers first. Now," Jill tried again. "Come on, Mary Kathryn. 'Now I lay me down to sleep..."  
  
"Angels watching over me, my Lord," Mary Kathryn began singing as Jill sighed.  
  
"Mary Kathryn, we're not going to sing tonight. Now, come on, sweetheart. 'Now, I lay me down to sleep..." Jill prompted once again.  
  
After finally getting Mary Kathryn to say her prayers and reading 'Green Eggs And Ham,' Jill managed to get her into bed. She kissed her goodnight and walked out of her room.  
  
"Daddy will come in, right, mommy?" Mary Kathryn asked eagerly, suddenly sitting up.  
  
"Daddy will be up to kiss you good night in a few minutes. Lay down now and stay in bed," Jill admonished her.  
  
Mike was once again studying when Jill came downstairs. He set his book down when Jill sat down beside him. "So, tell me about this new job," Mike sighed.  
  
"I don't have a lot of details," she admitted as she snuggled closer to him. "I do know it's working on an administration level in the emergency room. They told me they'd see what they could do about making it a straight 8-to-5 job. I told them that's the only way I'd even consider it," Jill said, sighing sleepily.  
  
"Yeah, like I'm sure that's ever going to happen. That would be like Lt. Ryker working a straight 8-to-5 shift," Mike informed her grumpily.  
  
"Would you be upset if I accepted it?" Jill asked him, pulling away from him slightly and looking into his eyes.  
  
"I don't know if upset's the right word," he answered honestly. "I just don't want you wearing yourself to a frazzle trying to please upper management. I know from experience that there's no pleasing those people."  
  
"Daddy, I'm waiting!" A voice called from upstairs.  
  
"I told her you'd be up to kiss her goodnight," Jill informed him with a grin. "By the way, do you know that there's less sand at Lt. Ryker's lake house than there was on your daughter this afternoon?"  
  
"Hey, at least I wasn't letting her play with matches," Mike reminded her as he got to his feet and started upstairs.  
  
  
CHAPTER TWO: Baby Number Two (Mid-August)  
  
Mike woke up early one morning a couple of weeks later and reached for Jill, only to find the bed empty. He sat up and looked around. After a few minutes, he heard Jill in their bathroom, obviously very ill.  
  
"Jill? Babe? Are you okay?" He called out in a worried voice.  
  
After several minutes Jill emerged from the bathroom, wiping her pale face with a bath towel.   
  
"Are you okay?" He asked in concern, hurrying to her side and helping her back to bed and covering her.  
  
"I think this is all your fault, Danko," she whispered weakly.  
  
"My fault? I haven't been sick," Mike protested in confusion. "Do you mean..." He trailed off as it suddenly dawned on him what it could be. He grinned from ear to ear.  
  
"Mike, I'm a nurse," she groaned into her pillow, closing her eyes. "I've also had these symptoms before with a certain three-year-old currently sleeping across the hall. Just leave me alone and let me die in peace."  
  
"I'll go downstairs and get you some tea and soda crackers," he offered, kissing her gently as he got out of bed.  
  
"I don't have time for tea. I have to get up, get ready for work and get Mary Kathryn dropped off at Jen's. Just give me a little while," Jill begged.  
  
Jill made an appointment with her doctor from work. By mid-morning, most of the nausea had abated enough for her to function, which was better than the morning sickness she'd suffered with Mary Kathryn. She used to wonder why it was called 'morning sickness' when she felt lousy all day for the first trimester. There were several messages in her in-box from upper management concerning the job offer. She wanted to find out if she was pregnant first, before she even seriously considered her other options.  
  
After seeing her that afternoon, her doctor told her he'd call her by the next afternoon with the results of her tests, which meant holding a very excited Mike at bay for at least another 24 hours. She smiled when she thought about how much he wanted a second child, a longing that became more acute after the birth of Willie and Jen's daughter Natalie. It wasn't that Jill didn't also long for another baby, she just wondered if it was too soon. Mary Kathryn had just turned three and they'd finally managed to get past the bottles and the toilet training. The idea of doing it all over again with a new baby made Jill exhausted just thinking about it.   
  
  
  
Jill parked her car in the driveway at home and walked the three houses down to Willie and Jen's to pick up Mary Kathryn. Willie was busy in the driveway tinkering on the white Triumph that he'd convinced Terry to sell him when he returned to L.A. from Ohio a year before.  
  
"What's wrong with the car now, Willie?" Jill asked curiously.  
  
Willie jumped. "Damn, you're good at sneaking up on people! Have you been taking lessons from my wife?" Willie asked, sticking his head out from under the hood.  
  
"No, but you know people who worry about other people sneaking up on them usually have something to hide," Jill smiled as she walked toward the house.  
  
Thomas and Mary Kathryn were sitting in the middle of the living room playing with Lego blocks when Jill walked in. Mary Kathryn jumped up and raced to her mother's arms.  
  
"Mommy!" Mary Kathryn exclaimed happily as Jill scooped her up.  
  
"Hey, what've you been up to today?" Jill asked affectionately, ruffling the girl's hair.  
  
"Nothing," the little girl replied, kissing Jill.  
  
"What are you guys building?" Jill asked, crouching on the floor next to the kids as Jen walked into the room.  
  
"Thomas says it's a secret. What's a secret?" Mary Kathryn piped up curiously, climbing into Jill's lap.  
  
"It's something you can't tell anybody else, stupid!" Thomas stated condescendingly, glaring at the little girl and folding his arms across his chest.  
  
"Thomas, clean up the blocks and go to your room. Now!" Jen instructed firmly  
  
Thomas stalked upstairs furiously.  
  
"That's all those two have been doing all day is quarreling with each other," Jen sighed. "I'll be glad when school starts, so I'll at least get rid of Thomas for half of the day."  
  
"You know, Jen, if Mary Kathryn's too much trouble, I can always get Mike's mother to watch her. I know you have your hands full with Thomas and the baby," Jill offered, feeling guilty.  
  
"No, Jill. She's no trouble. I love having her here. She plays really well with Natalie and she's so funny. I don't remember Thomas talking so much when he was her age," Jen reassured her friend quickly, tugging on one of Mary Kathryn's long curls. "Sometimes I just wish Willie would leave that car alone long enough to deal with his son."  
  
"Well, Willie and that car have a history," Jill smiled, straightening up and putting Mary Kathryn in a more comfortable position on her hip.  
  
"I know. He told me," Jen remarked, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Well, we'd better get home and get supper ready for Mike," Jill chuckled. She placed Mary Kate on the ground and they started walking toward the door.  
  
"Same time tomorrow?" Jen asked.  
  
"Yeah, I'll bring her by before I go to work. Good night," Jill said as they both waved.  
  
When they got back to their house Jill gave Mary Kate the key to the mailbox.   
  
Mary Kate opened it solemnly, then spied the mail and quickly removed it. She ran inside gleefully.  
  
Jill sighed, took the keys out of the mailbox, locked it and followed her daughter inside at a more sedate pace.  
  
"Can I color?" Mary Kathryn asked eagerly, getting out a small plastic chair and scrambling on top of it.  
  
"Not on the walls and what are you doing?" Jill answered absently. "Get off of that chair before you fall and hurt yourself."  
  
"Thomas showed me a trick," Mary Kathryn informed her, and then proceeded to demonstrate by jumping off of the chair to the floor. "He can do flips."  
  
"I think your grandmother's house is starting to sound better by the minute," Jill mumbled to herself as she walked toward the kitchen. "Come on into the kitchen. You can color while I'm fixing dinner for daddy."  
  
"And for me?" Mary Kathryn asked, her blue-green eyes huge.  
  
"Yes, and for you, you silly girl," Jill said, kissing her until the little girl started laughing hysterically.  
  
"What's so funny?" Mike asked, walking into the kitchen.  
  
"Your daughter thought I was only fixing dinner for you. I was going to make her go hungry," Jill answered, walking over and kissing Mike. "You're home early."  
  
"Pick me up, daddy," Mary Kathryn pleaded, tugging on Mike's hand.  
  
"Did you find out anything?" Mike asked eagerly as he reached down and perched his daughter on his hip.  
  
"No, I should know by tomorrow," she answered as she started taking things out of the refrigerator.  
  
  
  
Jill was lying in bed that night while Mike was standing in the bathroom with the door opened, brushing his teeth.  
  
"Are you aware that your best friend's son is teaching your daughter death-defying leaps off of chairs?" Jill asked as Mike looked out the door at her.  
  
"Jill, I don't think Thomas has anything to do with Mary Kate jumping off of furniture. She was bound to start doing that on her own," Mike corrected, rinsing his mouth before joining Jill in bed.  
  
"Yeah, but I was hoping she wouldn't start doing that until she was eight or nine, not three. Mike, I see enough small children in the emergency room. I don't want my small child being one of them," Jill informed him as Mike lay on one elbow smiling at her. "What are you smiling about?"  
  
"Did I ever tell you how much I love this nightgown?" He whispered huskily, trailing his index finger down the front of it.  
  
"Mike, I think you've already gotten me pregnant. I don't think we need to practice any more," she whispered.  
  
"I don't believe in practice," he stated loftily as he began to kiss her hungrily. "I'm a firm believer in the real thing." He slipped her nightgown off of one shoulder and gently kissed her smooth skin.  
  
"That feels wonderful," Jill gasped as Mike kissed his way down the front of her body, causing her to shiver. She gave a hoarse cry of delight when Mike slipped her gown over her head and took an engorged nipple in his mouth, gently teasing it with his tongue. Even without hearing from the doctor, Jill knew she was pregnant just by the heightened sensations Mike was invoking in her body. It was all she could do to keep from screaming as Mike continued kissing and caressing her. She reluctantly pulled him back up to kiss him before things got too noisy and they woke up Mary Kathryn  
  
"I love you," she whispered as he slowly covered her body with his own. "And I want you so badly."  
  
"I love you, too," he whispered as he began to gently move inside her.  
  
She lay in his arms later, feeling sleepy and very sated. "That was nice," she murmured as she started to drift off to sleep.  
  
"Wait! Just nice? Personally, milady, I thought I'd outdone myself," Mike informed her in mock indignation.  
  
"You did," she corrected in a hasty voice. "You were wonderful. I'm almost positive that I'm pregnant. Remember how things were when I was expecting Mary Kathryn?" She asked as Mike grinned in remembrance.  
  
"Oh, yeah. I think we utilized every room in the apartment. Are you excited about the idea of another baby?" He queried.  
  
"Yeah, I'm getting there. But knowing how excited you are about it is even better. I love you so much and I love the idea of having your babies, even with the morning sickness. Shut me up if you think I'm sounding like a Paul Anka song," she said as Mike leaned down to kiss her again.  
  
  
  
Mike was in the backyard with Mary Kathryn the next afternoon when Jill came home from work. She sat down beside him and wrapped her arms around his waist as they watched Mary Kathryn play on her swings.  
  
"It's official. We're having baby number two," she smiled as Mike turned around to face her with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Oh, that's great, baby! I'm so happy!" He cried, hugging her as Mary Kathryn jumped off of the swings and came running over to see what the fuss was all about. They picked her up and cuddled her between them.  
  
"Can we have pizza?" Mary Kathryn asked, squirming to get free.  
  
"Yes, we can have pizza," Jill laughed as Mary Kathryn clapped her hands together and ran back over to her swings.  
  
Mike had just pulled Jill closer and was preparing to kiss her again when they heard someone clearing their throat. They looked over to find Terry and Willie standing there.  
  
"You people never stop! Day and night, night and day, always touching each other," Terry playfully scolded as they sat on the other side of the picnic table.  
  
"That might explain why we're having baby number two," Mike said, flashing two fingers up for emphasis as Willie and Terry congratulated them both.  
  
"Does you-know-who know?" Willie asked, nodding toward Mary Kate.  
  
"No and I don't want to tell her yet. She's so young that she really won't understand. So, don't you say anything," Jill looked warningly at the two men.  
  
"No problem. I'm happy for you guys. Really," Terry said, giving Mike a high five.  
  
"I was about to order pizza. Willie, why don't you get Jen and the kids and join us?" Jill suggested, getting up and going toward the house.  
  
"Okay. Let me go get them," Willie offered, getting up.   
  
  
  
It was Mike's turn to put Mary Kate to bed, which included a number of rituals. First a bath, then brushing her teeth, followed by listening to her prayers and last, reading to her. Jill always read to her from Dr. Seuss, while Mike read to her from different books. This month's book was 'The Secret Garden,' a book Jill thought was too advanced for Mary Kate but she loved it. Jill thought it was more the idea of being read to than the actual book that Mary Kate loved, until she listened to her at bedtime that night. Mike was reading to her from the book when Mary Kate stopped to ask him a question.  
  
"Daddy, what's a 'Rajah?'"  
  
"A rajah is like a prince. That's what they have in India. That's where Mary lived before she went to live with her uncle," Mike patiently explained.  
  
"I know that. I remember. A rajah is a boy, right?" She asked, as Jill smiled outside of the bedroom door.  
  
"Yeah. Princes are always boys, Mary Kate," Mike smiled.  
  
"Mary said that Colin thinks he's a rajah. I think Thomas thinks he's a rajah, too. He's too, too bossy," she concluded.   
  
"And I think it's time little girls were sound asleep," he announced, pulling her down until she was under the covers.  
  
"Can I have ten kisses goodnight?" She asked.  
  
"No, you can have two," he replied, kissing her on each cheek. "Goodnight, Mary Kate," he said, giving her a favorite doll.  
  
"Goodnight, daddy," she yawned as she cuddled closer to the doll and drifted off to sleep.  
  
Jill came in behind Mike to tuck her in before going back downstairs. They went downstairs and sat on the sofa. "She was full of questions tonight, huh?"   
  
"Oh, yeah," Mike chuckled, kissing the top of her head. "I've never seen a three-year-old articulate so well. By the time she's four, she'll probably be reading to us from Tolstoy."   
  
"I can't believe she thinks Thomas acts like a rajah," Jill laughed as she curled up beside him.  
  
"He is rather bossy to her sometimes, but I think that's because he's older. I'm going to get something to drink. Do you want something?" He asked, getting up.  
  
"Just some water. Mike, why did you tell the guys about the baby? I really wanted to wait a little while," she complained, getting up and following him to the kitchen.  
  
"I'm sorry. I was just so excited," he answered honestly, handing her a glass of water.  
  
"I'm glad you're excited," she smiled, setting the glass down on the counter and slipping her arms around his neck as he kissed her.  
  
CHAPTERTHREE: Sometimes Things Don't Always Go As You Planned (Beginning of September)  
  
A couple of weeks later, Jill came home from work feeling horrible. When she'd gotten up that morning she'd attributed the feeling bad to the persistent morning sickness, which was worse with this baby than it ever was with Mary Kathryn. But when the feeling didn't go away by late morning, she knew it wasn't the morning sickness. By the time she arrived home she was also running a low-grade fever. She began to wonder if maybe she'd picked up something in the emergency room. She called her doctor to see if she could take something for the fever and chills she was experiencing. He told her to take two Tylenol, but to call if her fever went up or she started feeling any worse. Jill left a note for Mike asking him to pick up Mary Kathryn when he got home, then she went upstairs and crawled under the covers, willing the bone aching chills to stop.  
  
Mike was concerned when he got home and saw Jill's note. He went to pick up Mary Kate, and then sent her out to play before going up to see Jill.   
  
She was asleep until she felt his cool hand on her forehead.  
  
"Hey, what's going on?" He asked as she gave him a weak smile.  
  
"I'm okay. It's probably just a 24-hour bug. Dr. Miller gave the okay for me to take a couple of Tylenol. I just want to sleep right now," she mumbled, drifting back off.  
  
"Okay, I'll hold the fort on this end. Yell if you need anything," he told her, gently kissing her before going back downstairs.  
  
Mary Kate didn't understand why her mother wasn't cooking dinner for her and her father as she usually did. Mike finally stopped her questions by ordering pizza, always a big favorite with the three-year-old. They were just finishing up when the phone rang.  
  
"Hello?" Mike answered the phone, his mouth still full of pizza.  
  
"Pizza on a week night? What is this world coming to? Are all of the dishes in the house dirty or did somebody not do any shopping?" Terry's voice came over the other end of the phone from Willie's house.  
  
"What'd you do? Pull surveillance on my house? Are you gearing up for the detective squad or what?" Mike asked back.  
  
"Sure, I want that gold shield eventually, but the real reason that I'm calling is Willie wanted to know if you wanted to come over here tomorrow night and study," Terry said.  
  
"I don't know, man. I'm pulling a 3-to-11 tomorrow and Jill isn't feeling well. I'll let you know tomorrow, okay?" Mike hedged.  
  
"What's wrong with Jill?" Terry asked, suddenly concerned.   
  
"She thinks it's just a 24-hour bug but I don't want to leave her hanging with the munchkin when she isn't up to par," Mike told his friend.  
  
"He said he doesn't know. He's working evenings and Jill isn't feeling good," Terry told Willie, covering the receiver with his hand.  
  
"That's not a problem. Tell him to bring the kid over here with her sleeping bag. She can have a slumber party with my two kids," Willie yelled in the background.  
  
"Willie said just bring the kid over here. She can have a slumber party with Thomas and Natalie," Terry told him.  
  
"I don't know. Like I said, I'll let you know tomorrow. Are you guys working a dayshift?" Mike asked.  
  
"Yeah, with the lieutenant. We'll talk to you tomorrow afternoon. Willie said let to just let Jen know one way or the other what you decide in the morning," Terry said before hanging up.  
  
  
  
The next morning Jill got up to go to work over Mike's protests. He still thought her eyes looked glazed with fever.   
  
"Hey, babe? Terry called last night. He wants to get together for a study session at Willie and Jen's tonight. If you want you can leave Mary Kate there after you get off work and I'll bring her home with me when I'm done," he offered.  
  
"You are not bringing her home and then trying to get her back to sleep at two in the morning," Jill disagreed. "Go study and I'll keep her here with me. We haven't had any quality mother-daughter time together recently, anyway," she told him.  
  
"Are you sure you feel up to it?" He asked, still not liking her color.  
  
"Mike, I'm fine. Please stop worrying," she begged, kissing him softly.  
  
"I can't help worrying. It's my job," he confessed.  
  
"Go to Willie's tonight and study hard. I want you to ace the exam," she told him.  
  
"Yeah, right," he grinned good-naturedly. "I'll try not to be too late," he promised, kissing her once again.  
  
After she got off work, Jill picked Mary Kathryn up at Jen's, brought her home and cooked her dinner. She was hoping to get her to bed without any arguments. She couldn't remember ever feeling so tired.  
  
After getting Mary Kathryn to bed with a minimum amount of fuss Jill took a shower and tumbled into bed herself. She fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow. She had a dream that she was swimming in the ocean when a shark suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Jill desperately tried to swim away but the shark quickly caught her and bit deeply into her abdomen. Jill woke up, gasping. The dream had been so real but the pain was even more so. Her nightgown was stuck to her skin with sweat. She gasped out loud as another pain knifed through her.  
  
"Oh, no!" Jill groaned, slowly sitting up. A massive wave of dizziness almost made her fall back over. She climbed out of bed and started walking toward the bathroom. When she glanced over at the bed, she almost screamed when she saw the large blood stain on her side of the bed. She looked at the clock beside the bed. It read 12:40. Mike should be home any minute, she thought to herself desperately. In her fevered state of mind, she forgot that he was going to be at Willie's, studying. She picked up the phone to call Terry. The phone rang and rang without an answer. She slid to the floor as another wave of dizziness and severe cramps overcame her. With her last conscious ounce of strength she dialed Willie's number.  
  
  
The guys were sitting around Willie and Jen's dining room table, doing more laughing and beer drinking than studying. Jen had already come downstairs to ask them to hold it down before they woke the two children. They were laughing loudly once more as the phone rang. Jen came back into the room, glaring at the three men furiously as Willie grabbed the phone.  
  
"Yo!" Willie called out as Jen grimaced.  
  
"Willie, you have to help me," Jill's voice barely came across the room as Willie sat straight up, his knuckles grabbing the receiver tightly.  
  
"Jill?" Willie asked as Mike looked at him, then at his watch.  
  
"Damn, I'd better get home," Mike said as Willie waved him silent. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Jill, what's going on?" Willie asked as the other two men and Jen looked at him.  
  
"I...help me. I'm upstairs, in mine...and Mike's bedroom," she gasped out as she dropped the phone.  
  
"Jill! JILL!" He dropped the telephone from his nerveless fingers. "Something's wrong!" Willie said as the three men and Jen ran out the front door and up the street to the Danko's.   
  
"Jill!" Mike shouted in a panic-stricken voice, running into the house.  
  
"She said she's upstairs. Don't shout like that or you'll wake up Mary Kate," Willie warned as the four people ran up the stairs.  
  
They found her on the floor beside the bed, the telephone receiver lying beside her. They cringed when they saw huge amount of blood.  
  
"We need to get her to the hospital," Mike finally stated in a numb voice. He kneeled beside her and checked her pulse.  
  
"Man, she's in shock. We can't take her like this. I'll call an ambulance," Terry volunteered, picking up the receiver.  
  
"Mike, we need to get her legs raised and get her covered," Willie said, grabbing the blanket off of the bed and trying to stay calm. "Jen, go get Mary Kate and take her to our house. Try not to wake her up."  
  
Terry directed the ambulance on where to go and hung up the phone. He then went across the hall where Jen was picking up the still sleeping little girl.   
  
"Jen, where are we going?" Mary Kate asked sleepily.  
  
"You're going to spend the night at our house. Go back to sleep now," Jen said as the little girl put her head on Jen's shoulder and popped her thumb in her mouth. "Give me a hand, Terry?" Jen asked as Terry nodded.  
  
Terry and Jen had just walked out of the house when the ambulance pulled up to the curb. Terry told them where Jill was as they took the stretcher toward the house.  
  
Mike and Willie were trying to get a response out of Jill when the ambulance attendants came in. They forced the two men out of the way as they began working on her.  
  
"Do you know what happened?" One of the attendants asked Mike.  
  
"She called at my house and said she needed help," Willie explained rapidly.  
  
"She's hemorrhaging badly. We need to move!" The other attendant advised.  
  
"She's about eight weeks pregnant," Mike explained as one of the attendants tried to get a blood pressure reading.  
  
"Where are we going, sir?" The other attendant asked Mike.   
  
"Memorial. Can I ride with you?" Mike asked, afraid to let Jill out of his sight.  
  
"I'm afraid not, sir," the attendant answered professionally as they placed Jill on the stretcher and began the descent down the stairs.  
  
"Come on, Mike. Let me go get my keys and I'll give you a ride to the hospital," Willie offered, taking Mike by the arm and leading him out of the house.  
  
When they got back to Willie's, the guys made the decision that Terry would give Mike a lift to the hospital while Willie stayed with Jen and the kids.  
  
"Willie, call Lt. Ryker and Trap. Let them know what's going on," Mike called over his shoulder as Terry grabbed his keys.  
  
"No problem, man. Keep us posted," Willie said as Mike nodded.  
  
"Let's go," Mike told Terry as they walked out of the door.  
  
  
  
An hour later at the hospital, Mike was furiously pacing back and forth outside the ER cubicle while a team of doctors worked feverishly on Jill. He'd had almost no word since arriving 45 minutes before, right behind the ambulance. Finally, one of the doctors came out of the cubicle. Mike noticed the blood streaks on his scrubs.  
  
"Mr. Danko, I'm Dr. Silverman. We're about to transport your wife up the operating room. She's hemorrhaging and we're having trouble controlling the bleeding. She's also running a low-grade fever, which doesn't make for the most ideal of operating fields. Has she been ill recently?" He asked.  
  
"She was sick yesterday, but we both thought it was the flu," Mike answered in a shaky voice. "What's going on?"  
  
"We aren't sure. It could be an infection. We'll know more when we get upstairs. I'll get you the consent for surgery," he said, turning to go back to Jill.  
  
"Can I see her?" Mike begged.  
  
"Not right now. Right now, we need to get her upstairs and see about saving her life," the doctor told him as Mike sagged into a nearby chair.  
  
Mike signed the form and caught a brief glance of Jill as they wheeled her by him and Terry to take her to the operating room. She was as white as the sheets on the gurney. Mike wanted to just squeeze her hand, to let him know she was there. A few minutes later, him and Terry took the elevator up to the surgical floor, where they sat for the next two and a half hours. It was almost four thirty in the morning when the surgeon came walking out of the double doors of the operating theater, pulling his cap off of his head. He motioned for Mike to follow him. Mike looked over at Terry with fear in his eyes before following the doctor to a quiet corner.  
  
"Mr. Danko, I'm Dr. Lindsay. Your wife had what is known as an Ectopic pregnancy. What this means is..." the doctor stopped as Mike held a hand out.  
  
"I know what it is. My wife's a nurse. Is she okay?" Mike asked.  
  
"The tube ruptured, Mr. Danko. That's why your wife was hemorrhaging and why she was running the fever. We were able to repair the damage, but the infection had already spread through her blood stream," he continued, looking at Mike carefully.  
  
"What are you saying?" Mike asked fearfully.  
  
"At the moment, she's suffering from a condition called Septic Shock. The sepsis will usually attack the major organs and cause them to shut down. And it's usually fatal," the doctor concluded as Mike stared at him in shock.  
  
"You said usually? What do you do to treat it?" Mike asked, not wanting to believe what the doctor was telling him.  
  
"We've already started her on massive doses of antibiotics. We've also given her several units of blood and will probably give her several more. It's a waiting game, Mr. Danko. That's all we can do. Wait and pray," he told Mike.  
  
"When can I see her?" Mike repeated in a small voice.  
  
"She's in recovery right now. We'll be moving her to ICU within the hour. You can see her after that," the doctor stated.  
  
"Thank you," Mike mumbled as he walked back over toward Terry with his head bowed. He told Terry what the doctor had told him before going over to call Willie and Jen.  
  
CHAPTER FOUR: Lying In A Fevered State Of Purgatory  
  
Jill woke up in a room that was stark white. She slowly got out of bed and looked around, confused. She'd never before been in a room that was totally devoid of color. She wondered where everybody was.  
  
"Hello?" She called out. "Is anybody here?"  
  
"Jill?" A frighteningly familiar voice called out to her from a distance. "I've been waiting forever for you to wake up. How do you feel?"  
  
"Cleve? What are you doing here? You're dead. Where am I and what am I doing here?" She asked, trying to back away from the figure rapidly approaching her. "Is this Hell?"  
  
"Do you see any fires? I guess you could say its purgatory. A person stays here until they've atoned for their sins, then they move on. I've been waiting for you for a long time," Cleve said as he stopped in front of her.  
  
Jill continued to try to back away from him. She was trying to make sense of what was going on. The last thing she remembered was calling Willie for help and then the sensation of floating. Was she dead? She looked at Cleve and noticed that he was also dressed completely in white.  
  
"Am I dead?" She asked fearfully.  
  
"No, at least not yet. It's just a dream state brought on by your illness. But, I want you to think about staying here with me. I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I was so stupid. Can you ever forgive me?" He asked as Jill stared at him.   
  
"I want to go back to Mike and my daughter. You can't keep me here. I want to go back!" She screamed at him, gasping for breath.  
  
  
  
Suddenly she woke up to darkness and the sound of machines beeping. She felt someone gently touching the IV's in her hand and she fought to focus her eyes on the figure beside her bed. "Mike?" She mumbled as a nurse gently stroked her hair.  
  
"Jill, it's me, Maria. Mike's out in the hall, talking to the doctor. Let me go tell him that you're awake," Maria offered quietly, smoothing the blankets before leaving the ICU cubicle.  
  
Jill drifted back off, but the next thing she felt was a reassuring pressure on her hand. She smiled without opening her eyes.  
  
"Baby?" Mike whispered tenderly as she struggled to open her eyes once again. "Hi," he smiled.  
  
"I had the strangest dream. Cleve said he was sorry..." she sighed as she started to drift off to sleep once again.  
  
"Get some sleep, baby. We'll talk when you're better," he promised , kissing her forehead as he stood up.  
  
Jill had already gone back to sleep. She woke up once again in the white room. It was so white that it hurt your eyes. This time she seemed to be alone. "Cleve? Are you still here?" She asked, looking around. "Is anybody here? Where am I?"  
  
She found a piece of paper on the ground at her feet. Curious, she picked it up and looked at it. It had a very cryptic message written on it: 'To go back, first you have to go forward.'  
  
"I don't understand what that means! Please let me go back!" She cried out in the emptiness.  
  
"You have to do what it says on the paper," Jill jumped as a voice came out of nowhere.  
  
"Just tell me one thing, whoever you are. Am I dying?" She asked, glancing around.   
  
"You have to fight, Jill. Harder than you've ever fought in your entire life," the voice continued to instruct her.  
  
"Okay. I can do that," Jill said, still puzzled.  
  
"I don't think you understand. This fight is going to make your other battles seem like child's play," the voice explained.  
  
"Can you just please tell me what you mean by this note you left me. I mean, I am assuming that you left it, whoever you are," Jill said to the empty room.  
  
"You have to figure that out for yourself and decide what you want to do," the voice remarked cryptically as the room went dark once again.  
  
  
  
Mike had told the doctor that Jill had woke up briefly and talked to him.   
  
"I wish I could feel as encouraged as you are, but I want you to understand that your wife has a long way to go before I feel she's turned a corner," the doctor told him.  
  
"Will she be able to have any more children?" Mike suddenly asked.   
  
"Another child??" The doctor repeated in a surprised voice. "Mr. Danko, right now we're going to be fortunate if she survives. I'll be back to check on her in an hour," the doctor said, turning and walking off.  
  
Mike sat down in a nearby chair, never feeling more helpless in his life. Because Jill was in ICU, he was only allowed to see her for ten minutes every hour, which left him the other 50 minutes to sit and do nothing but think...think and pray. He looked at his watch to see how soon he could go back and sit with her. He still had another half hour to go, so he walked over to the pay phones to call Willie and Jen.  
  
  
  
Willie was sitting on the living room sofa, Jen curled up against him, dozing, when the phone rang. Willie grabbed it before it had a chance to ring again.  
  
"Hello?" Willie asked as Jen sat up and rubbed her eyes.  
  
"Willie, it's me," Mike sighed wearily.  
  
"Mike, has there been any change?" Willie asked, his body tight with tension.  
  
"No, she's about the same. She woke up briefly a while ago, but she was pretty out of it," Mike sighed as Terry walked up with two cups of coffee in his hand. "How's Mary Kate?"  
  
"Asleep. What do you want us to tell her?" Willie asked, looking at his wife.  
  
"I don't know. Play it by ear, I guess. I'll try to get home later," Mike promised. "I'm going to go. I can go back in to see her in a little while."  
  
"Okay. Jen and I'll try to come by later," Willie said, hanging up the phone and pulling his wife closer to him.  
  
"It's bad, isn't it?" Jen asked, seeing the look on Willie's face.  
  
"Yeah. We might as well go to bed and try to get some sleep. The kids will be up in a few hours," he stated, taking her hand and helping her off of the sofa.  
  
  
  
Jen and Willie were sound asleep a couple of hours later when they heard Mary Kate in the hallway, desperately looking for her parents.  
  
"Mommy! Daddy! Mommy! Daddy!" Mary Kate was crying as Willie and Jen rushed out of their room.  
  
"It's okay, sweetie," Willie soothed, scooping the tiny girl up into his arms and carrying her into their bedroom.  
  
"I wet the bed," she sobbed.  
  
"It's okay. We'll get you cleaned up," Willie comforted.  
  
Jen nodded silently and went to the linen closet to get some clean sheets.  
  
"Where are my mommy and daddy?" Mary Kate asked in confusion, looking around.  
  
"They had errands to run. They'll be back in a little while," Willie hedged, looking at Jen.  
  
"I don't have another nightgown," Mary Kate informed the two adults, looking at the floor in embarrassment.  
  
"We'll find you something, don't worry," Jen promised gently, slipping the wet gown over Mary Kate's head. "Willie, why don't you run over to Mike and Jill's and get Mary Kate a few things to wear," Jen said as Willie nodded. "Come on, sweetie. Let's get in the bathtub."  
  
Willie took his keys and slowly walked down to the Danko's. He unlocked the front door and entered the house before walking upstairs to Mary Kate's bedroom. He glanced into the room across the hall that Mike and Jill shared and shuddered at the sight of the large bloodstain in the middle of the king-sized bed. He made a decision to come back over before Mike got home and try to clean up some of the mess. He walked into Mary Kate's bedroom and looked around for a suitcase. He found a Barbie one in the floor of her closet. He opened drawers and pulled out some play clothes and underwear and filled the suitcase. He didn't know how long Mary Kate would be staying with them.  
  
When he walked back into his own house he could hear Thomas in the kitchen. He walked in to find his son struggling to pour milk on a bowl of cereal. "Hold it, chief! What do you think you're doing?" He asked hurriedly, going over to Thomas' side and taking the gallon container away from him before it spilled.  
  
"Trying to fix breakfast," Thomas informed him solemnly. "Mom's giving Mary Kate a bath. Why is she taking a bath at our house?" Thomas asked curiously.  
  
"Her mom and dad had an emergency," Willie hedged, pouring the milk on the cereal. "Mary Kate might be here for a few days."   
  
"Why?" Thomas continued innocently, taking the bowl of cereal over to the kitchen table.  
  
"I'm going to check on your sister," Willie suddenly said after satisfying himself that Thomas was distracted enough with his breakfast not to ask any more questions for the time being. He took one more look at his son and headed upstairs, knowing that Jen had her hands full right now.  
  
The baby was still asleep, so Willie took Mary Kate's suitcase into the guest room before walking into the bathroom where Jen was sitting on the toilet, watching as Mary Kate happily splashed in the bathtub, her long curly hair piled on top of her head.  
  
"I put her suitcase in the spare bedroom," Willie stated quietly.   
  
"Can you get me some clean clothes?" Jen asked, as Willie nodded. "Come on, Mary Kate. Let's get you dried off and you can go eat breakfast with Thomas."  
  
  
  
The kids were in the backyard a few hours later when Mike arrived at the house. He looked out in the backyard with tears in his eyes as Jen poured him a cup of coffee.  
  
"I know you've probably had about twelve thousand cups of coffee, but you still look like you could use this," Jen commented sympathetically, handing him the steaming cup.  
  
"Thanks. Did you have any problems with Mary Kate?" He asked in a dull voice.  
  
"No. She woke up this morning looking for you guys. We told her you had a few errands to run," Jen explained.  
  
"I forgot to tell you last night that she still wets the bed sometimes," Mike muttered, collapsing into the chair at the kitchen table and absently twisting his wedding ring around his finger.  
  
"That's okay. So does Thomas, only don't tell him I said that," Jen confided conspiratorially.  
  
"I don't know how much to tell her," Mike confessed in a low voice. "I'm not sure how much she's going to understand. I'm not sure how much I understand." He sat quietly for a few minutes, lost in his own thoughts. "Where's Willie?"  
  
"He...uh, he went over to try to clean up at your house," Jen stammered, walking over to the sink to wash dishes.  
  
"I think I'll go give him a hand. I'll pick up Mary Kate in a little while," he commented woodenly, putting his cup in the sink.  
  
  
Willie was vigorously scrubbing the mattress with a can of cleaning fluid when Mike walked into the room.  
  
"I wanted to get everything cleaned up before you got home," Willie explained apologetically, looking at Mike in the doorway.  
  
"I appreciate it. Thanks," Mike replied.  
  
"How's Jill?" Willie asked, putting the cap on the can of fluid.  
  
"About the same. The doctor suggested that I come home and get some sleep, so here I am," Mike commented bitterly.  
  
"You're more than welcome to crash at our house, if you can put up with the noise factor. It tends to get a little loud," Willie smiled.  
  
"Thanks, man," Mike accepted gratefully. He knew there was no way he'd be able to sleep in his house right now. "Let me get a few things and I'll go back over."  
  
"I'll let Jen know. You can sleep in the spare room. That's where we put Mary Kate last night," Willie commented, walking by Mike.  
  
"Thanks, Willie," Mike squeezed his friend's shoulder as Willie nodded.  
  
Mike walked over to the dresser after Willie left and picked up the picture sitting on the corner. It was his favorite picture of Jill with Mary Kate, taken shortly after Mary Kate's birth. He smiled when he thought of each of them having the opinion that their daughter had the other's smile. Mary Kate might have his eyes and same color curly hair, but to him, her smile and her mannerisms were pure Jill. He placed the picture carefully back on the corner of the dresser. Before going to Willie's, he called the hospital and left their number so he could be reached if they needed him. He was told that her fever was still high, but other than that there was no change in her condition.  
  
When Mike got back to Willie and Jen's he walked out to the backyard where the kids were playing. Mary Kate flew into his arms with a squeal of delight. Mike scooped her up and held her as tightly as he could, fighting back tears.  
  
"Daddy, you're hugging me too tight," she complained, squirming to get free.  
  
"I'm sorry. I just missed you so much," Mike told her, trying to force a smile for her sake.  
  
"Where's mommy?" She probed anxiously.  
  
Mike took a deep breath and tried to think. He wasn't sure how much Mary Kate would understand. Although smart for three years old, she was still ONLY three years old. While he didn't want to lie, he didn't know how much of the truth he should tell her.  
  
"Daddy, where's my mommy?" Mary Kate asked in a high-pitched voice, close to panic.  
  
"She's sick, baby. She'll come back home when she feels better," he finally answered.  
  
"When will that be? Can I go see her?" Mark Kate pressed, peppering him with questions.  
  
"I don't know when she'll be better. You can't see her right now...maybe in a few days," he finally concluded, praying that that would indeed be the case.  
  
Mary Kate stared at him for a few seconds and weighed his answers carefully. For the moment, she seemed satisfied with Mike's explanation.   
  
"Why don't you stay out here and play with Thomas?" Mike continued rapidly, trying to bid a hasty retreat. "I'm going to lie down upstairs and take a nap."  
  
"I can sing you to sleep," Mary Kate offered.  
  
"That's okay, baby," Mike smiled, touched by her offer. "Maybe later. Play nice and I'll see you in a little while," he said, putting her back on the ground and kissing her. "I love you, baby."  
  
"I love you, too, baby," she repeated with a twinkle in her eye.  
  
Mike walked upstairs to the spare bedroom and stretched out on top of the covers, fully clothed. He had no intention of falling asleep but was overcome with exhaustion.  
  
  
Mary Kate entered the house about an hour later and slowly walked up the stairs to the room where her father was restlessly sleeping. She stood in the doorway watching him toss back and forth before walking over and climbing on the bed beside him. She sat there for several minutes before grabbing his shoulder and shaking him with her small hands.  
  
"Daddy? Daddy? Wake up, daddy," she whispered loudly. "You're having a bad dream. Do you want me to sing you mommy's song? She sings it to me when I'm having a bad dream."  
  
The little girl pressed herself closer to her father and quietly began to sing, "All night, all day. Angels watching over me, my Lord. All night, all day. Angels watching over me. Now I lay me down to sleep, Angels watching over me, my Lord. I pray the Lord my soul to keep, Angels watching over me."  
  
"Mary Kate!" Mike exclaimed in a panic stricken voice, suddenly sitting upright. "How long have you been here?"  
  
"A few minutes. You were having a bad dream. Do you feel better now?" She asked.  
  
"You should be outside playing with Thomas, like I told you to," he chided, getting up and walking toward the door and going downstairs to the kitchen. Jen was sitting at the kitchen table, feeding Natalie lunch. "Has the hospital called?" He asked.  
  
"No, Mike. Nobody's called. Would you like some lunch? I was about to feed the kids," Jen offered as Mike shook his head.  
  
When Mary Kate walked into the kitchen, Mike was on the phone. She walked over and tugged on his hand to try to get his attention. He impatiently shook his hand away, but Mary Kate persisted. He finally cupped his hand over the phone.   
  
"Mary Kathryn! I'm on the phone! Go outside and play!" He hissed furiously as the little girl shrank back.  
  
She ran out the back door. She knew her father was upset when he called her 'Mary Kathryn.' Her mother was the only person who called her Mary Kathryn all of the time. To everybody else, she was simply 'Mary Kate.' Jen cleaned her daughter up and put her in her playpen before walking outside and sitting beside Mary Kate, who was sitting on one of the swings, kicking at the ground dejectedly.  
  
"It's okay, sweetie. Your daddy just has a lot on his mind right now. I'm sure he didn't mean to yell at you like that," Jen tried to assure her.  
  
"Is my mommy going to die?" Mary Kate asked fearfully as her lower lip started to quiver.  
  
"She's very sick," Jen began uncertainly.  
  
"Jen, can you keep an eye on Mary Kate? I'm going back to the hospital," Mike shouted out the back door.  
  
"Do you want to at least tell your daughter bye before you go?" Jen asked angrily, going back into the house.   
  
Mike froze for a few seconds, then made his way to his daughter's side and knelt down beside her, ruffling her hair affectionately. "I'm sorry for yelling at you, sweetheart. I have to go check on your mommy. I'll be back in a little while. You be a good girl." He kissed her on the cheek before turning around and leaving with Willie, who wanted to go with him.  
  
CHAPTER FIVE: Attempting To Make The Trip Back  
  
Jill woke up once again in the stark white room. She looked down at her bare feet and smiled. She remembered telling Terry once that she had a rebellion against shoes. She only wore them if she absolutely had to. It figured that she'd be barefooted in this strange place. She looked around and began to walk forward. She hadn't walked very far when she spotted another piece of paper at her feet. This one read 'You have to decide if the memories are good enough to go back and build on.'  
  
"What memories? What kind of game are you playing with me?" Jill asked in the emptiness. She was beginning to feel like she had an appointment to meet the Wizard Of Oz. She had a feeling that next she was going to be asked for the broom of the wicked witch. She sat down and looked around in exasperation. Now she appeared to be completely alone. It wasn't that she wanted Cleve to be here, but anyone was better than being alone. Once upon a time she'd cherished being alone, but since meeting and marrying Mike and then meeting the guys, she'd learned to enjoy being part of a group.  
  
"Look, where are you? I need your help," she called out in frustration.  
  
"The explanation is there, Jill. It's up to you to understand it," the disembodied voice came out of nowhere.  
  
"Look, I didn't like riddles when I was a child. I like them even less now," she complained. "Can you tell me this much, at least? Am I worse?"  
  
"It's a difficult battle. Right now things are very bad. Think of your memories, Jill. Right now, your memories and your love are all that'll lead you back," the voice continued.  
  
"Well, before I think of my memories, can I at least get some water first?" Jill asked as the room went dark once more. She opened her eyes to find Eddie Ryker standing there, gently holding a wet compress to her forehead. "Eddie, hi. Where's Mike?"  
  
"He went home to get some rest," Lt. Ryker whispered.  
  
"Can I get some water?" Jill rasped weakly.  
  
"They don't want you having water. How about some ice chips?" Lt. Ryker suggested as he slipped a few pieces of ice into Jill's mouth.  
  
To Jill, nothing in her life had ever felt as good as those small pieces of ice. She could still hear machines beeping so she knew she was in ICU. She fought to stay awake long enough to find out how Eddie had managed to get in here. It was supposed to be family only.  
  
"Eddie, how did you get in here?" Jill muttered hoarsely, looking at Eddie through eyes ravaged by fever.  
  
"I told them I was your father," he admitted.  
  
Jill took his hand and squeezed it gently, then drifted back to sleep.  
  
Eddie gently disengaged her hand and stepped out.  
  
Mike and Willie had just got off of the elevator and rushed over to him. "How is she?" Mike asked anxiously.  
  
"Her fever's higher. She was awake for a minute and wanted some water. I gave her a few ice chips. She's asleep again now. How's Mary Kate?" Ryker asked.  
  
"She's okay. I'm going to go in and sit with Jill for a few minutes," Mike announced. He quietly opened the door to Jill's room and slipped inside. She was shivering uncontrollably when he sat down. He tightened the covers around her and took her hand in both of his.  
  
"Jill, I love you. You can't leave us. You have to fight, baby," he begged, fighting back tears. "Mary Kate misses you. I miss you. We both want you to come home."  
  
  
  
During the course of the next few days, Jill's condition steadily worsened. Because of the high fever and the infection, she developed painful lesions in her mouth. She was started on massive doses of painkillers along with the antibiotics to ease her discomfort. There were dozens of doctors coming in and out of her room at all hours of the day and night, consulting with and arguing with each other over her course of treatment. Mike didn't understand how none of these doctors could agree on anything. They moved her out of ICU on her third day in the hospital, even though her condition was far from stable. The guys took turns with Mike sitting with her, trying to keep her temperature down. Mike hadn't slept more than three hours a day in days and he also hadn't gotten close to a razor. Jill took notice of this during one of her lucid periods.  
  
"Mike, hi," she whispered.  
  
"Hi, baby," he whispered back, smiling at her.  
  
"The inside of my mouth really hurts," she winced, trying not to cry.  
  
"I know. It's a reaction from the infection and the high fever. They're trying to clear it up," he told her.  
  
She slowly reached a hand up to touch his face. "You haven't shaved," she mumbled.  
  
"I know. I've been here trying to take care of you," he commented lightly, kissing her palm.  
  
"I love you," she sighed as she once more drifted off to sleep.  
  
CHAPTER SIX: All Roads Lead To Home  
  
Jill woke up yet again in the stark white room. But there was a major difference this time. In the distance she could see what appeared to be greenery. She walked forward until she entered what looked like a beautiful green park with lush green grass and a waterfall.  
  
"Okay, this is pretty, but I'm not sure what it means," she observed after a few minutes, sitting down on top of a large rock. As she expected, there was another strange note at her feet. This one read: 'the decision is entirely up to you. You can remain here or you can go back.'  
  
She placed the note beside her and tried to think. This place was very pretty, but she wasn't sure she wanted to stay. Even as badly as she was hurting right now, she didn't know if she wanted to stay here just so that somebody would end the pain. She thought of waking up a few minutes ago with Mike sitting beside her bed. She smiled and looked at her hand as she remembered the feel of his beard-roughened face beneath her palm.  
  
Every good memory she had in her head for the past 11 years had to deal with Mike. He was the first person who'd ever loved her unconditionally.   
  
She thought about all of the gifts he'd given her. His love...his gentleness...his sense of humor...but the greatest gift he'd ever given her was their daughter. She never thought she'd be as happy in her life as she was the first time he placed Mary Kathryn in her arms the morning after she was born. The love and the pride she saw reflected there made the pain of the delivery worthwhile. She loved watching their daughter grow. She definitely had a mind of her own. Jill missed her terribly. "Okay, Mr. Whoever-You-Are. I want to go back. I miss my husband and I miss my daughter. Please let me go back," Jill pleaded.  
  
  
  
Mike stepped off of the elevator the next morning to find the doctors rushing into Jill's room. He became frightened, especially when they wouldn't let him go in. After several minutes one of the doctors came back out, smiling broadly.  
  
"Relax, Mr. Danko. Your wife's fever finally broke. We're going to take some blood and check out everything, but it looks like she's finally turned a corner," the doctor smiled, clasping Mike on the shoulder as he let out the breath he'd been holding.  
  
"Can I see her?" Mike begged.  
  
"As soon as the other doctors leave, go ahead. She's a lucky young woman," the doctor told Mike.  
  
"I know," Mike breathed. "When can she go home?"  
  
"I want to get the lesions cleared up in her mouth and make sure everything's okay. Let's wait three or four days," the doctor said as Mike nodded.  
  
Jill was sleeping soundly when Mike entered the room. He sat down and took her hand in his. "Hi, baby. They just told me that you're going to be okay. That's the best news I've heard in days. I've been so scared. I don't ever want to lose you. I love you so much," he confessed shakily.  
  
"If you start crying, they're going to have to come in here and change my bed again," she whispered painfully, opening her eyes. "I told them I wanted to come back, so here I am. When are you going to shave? You're starting to look like Grizzly Adams."  
  
"I'll shave as soon as you come home," he vowed, bending down and kissing her. Although the kiss was painful due to the lesions, Jill still cherished it.   
  
"Hmmmm," she sighed happily. "Where's Mary Kate?"  
  
"I'll talk to the doc and see what I can do to get her up here. She misses you, too. She sings your 'Angels' song everyday," he informed her.  
  
"I'm so tired. Will you be here when I wake up?" She asked sleepily.  
  
"Yeah, baby. I'm not going to go anywhere," he promised, kissing her forehead as she drifted back to sleep.  
  
  
  
A few days later, Jill was sitting up in bed when Mike walked into the room, pushing a wheelchair and beaming from ear to ear. She was still finding it hard to get used to the beard, but she had to admit he looked handsome in it. Of course, she was prejudiced and thought he looked handsome in almost any way, shape or form. He walked over and threw the covers back on the bed.  
  
"Where are we going?" She asked in surprise as Mike scooped her up in his arms and sat her in the chair.  
  
"I have a surprise," he announced as he threw a cover over her legs and started to wheel her out of the door.  
  
"Does it involve food? I haven't eaten anything decent in days," she told him as they went down the hall.  
  
"We'll discuss food later," he promised, walking into the solarium.  
  
"Why are we here?" She asked curiously, looking around.  
  
"I thought you wanted to get out of bed for a while," he stated, leaning forward and kissing her.   
  
They broke apart when they heard someone clearing their throat from the doorway. Jill's eyes filled with tears when she looked over and saw Mary Kathryn standing there with all of the guys and Jen. Jill smiled at how grown-up she looked. Jen had dressed her in a frilly red and white dress, white knee socks and black patent leather shoes. Her long curly hair was twisted on top of her head in a ballerina bun.  
  
"Mary Kathryn?" Jill called, as the little girl shyly pulled back behind Willie and Jen. "Oh, sweetheart, I've missed you so much."  
  
"Go say hi to your mother," Willie whispered, trying to pull her out from behind him.  
  
"Willie, it's okay. Don't force her," Jill chided.  
  
Mary Kathryn looked out from behind the two adults nervously.   
  
Jill noticed the small gift-wrapped box clutched in her hand. "Mary Kathryn, what've you got in your hand? Can I see it?"  
  
Mary Kathryn slowly approached her mother and held the box out.  
  
"Would you like to sit in my lap while I open it?" Jill offered as the little girl slowly nodded and gingerly climbed up onto her lap. "Now, what do you suppose is in this box?" Jill asked as Mary Kathryn smiled.  
  
Jill removed the wrapping paper to find a velvet box from a jewelry store.   
  
"Open it," Mary Kathryn urged her as Jill did so. Inside, on a nest of green velvet was a gold locket on a long gold chain. "See, on one side is a picture of you and daddy and on the other side is a picture of us as a family. Do you like it?"  
  
"I love it. Did you help daddy pick it out?" She asked, hugging her daughter tightly.  
  
Mary Kathryn nodded.   
  
"Then, I love it even more."  
  
"When are you coming home?" Mary Kathryn asked, her lower lip starting to quiver.  
  
"In a few days. I know you've missed me, sweetie. I've missed you, too. Can I get a hug?" Jill asked as Mary Kathryn clasped both arms around Jill's neck and hugged her as tight as she could. Tears fell down Jill's cheeks as she returned the hug.  
  
Everybody stayed a little while longer until they saw that Jill was getting tired. Mary Kathryn began to sob when they got ready to leave, but Jill assured her that she'd talk to her on the phone every day and she'd be home in three or four days. This seemed to appease the little girl and she walked away with Willie and Jen, constantly looking over her shoulder.  
  
CHAPTER SEVEN: Going Home  
  
Three days later one of the doctors came into Jill's room to give her final instructions before her release. Jill was antsy and anxious for Mike to arrive.  
  
"Do you have any questions?" The doctor asked after going over Jill's instructions.  
  
"Will I be able to have another baby?" She asked.   
  
"I don't know. They had to remove the tube that ruptured, but it is possible to conceive with just one fallopian tube. It just might prove more difficult. It's not something that I would recommend trying right away," he told her sternly.  
  
"Speaking of that, though, when can I have intercourse with my husband again?" She asked, blushing slightly  
  
"You can have intercourse with him tonight if you're so inclined. I would recommend that you use some sort of protection, though. Dr. Miller says here in your chart that he wants to see you in two weeks," he concluded, making a note on her chart.  
  
"I'm going to make an appointment in the morning," she assured him.  
  
"Very good. If there isn't anything else, then I'll go make sure your release papers are in order," he stated, walking out of the door.  
  
The guys and Jen threw Jill a huge 'Welcome Home' party. She never thought she'd ever be as happy in her life to see anything as she was when she walked in the front door of their house. Both Mike and Mary Kathryn were overly attentive, making sure that Jill didn't want for anything. Terry and Willie barbecued and everybody ate, laughed and told stories until late. It was almost midnight before the party started to break up. Jill hugged the guys, Jen and the two children, thanking them for a wonderful welcome home before they all left for the night. Mike closed the door, sighing. The house seemed far too quiet with just the three of them. He looked over to see Mary Kate fighting to stay awake.  
  
"Okay, I think it's long past time little girls were in bed," he said, scooping her up.  
  
"Are you and mommy going to tuck me in?" She asked, looking from him to Jill, who nodded.  
  
"Let daddy help you brush your teeth and get you into your pajamas and I'll be right up," Jill promised, brushing Mary Kathryn's hair out of her face.  
  
A few minutes later, Jill walked into the room where Mike and Mary Kathryn were already curled up together. Mike moved closer to the wall and placed Mary Kathryn in the middle so the three of them could cuddle up together. Mike took out her book and began reading to her. He'd barely gotten past the first page when he looked down and saw Mary Kate already sound asleep.  
  
"Down for the count," Mike whispered, as they both carefully got off of the bed and tucked Mary Kate into bed, both of them kissing her goodnight. Mike turned the moon and stars lamp on before they left the room, pulling her door slightly ajar. "Why don't you take a shower and I'll take mine when you get out? Just save me some hot water," Mike commented, kissing Jill.  
  
"Okay," she agreed readily. "I'll be out in a few minutes."  
  
Jill nervously waited for Mike to come out of the bathroom a little while later. He'd been putting out some pretty strong signals all day long, she just wasn't sure if he was going to want to act on them.   
  
The door finally opened and Mike emerged. He turned off the light and got into bed beside Jill, drawing her close to him. She lay contentedly in the hollow of his shoulder, listening to the sound of his heart...a sound she'd missed.  
  
"I had such strange dreams when I was sick. Did I tell you?" She asked as Mike was drifting off to sleep.  
  
"You said something about Cleve, but you never said anything else," he answered, forcing his eyes open.  
  
"He was there the first night. It was so strange. For a while, I thought I was actually going to die. I kept getting these strange notes. Somebody told me that my love and my memories were the only things that were going to lead me back. He was right. All of my good memories revolve around you and the life we've shared. I didn't want to leave that," she told him, her eyes misting with tears as Mike held her tighter.  
  
"I'm glad you didn't leave us," he whispered as she ran her hand over his face, reveling in the softness of his beard under her fingers.   
  
"So, what does Ryker think of your beard?" She asked curiously.  
  
"Nothing. He just told me to make sure I shave it off before I go back on duty. I'll shave it off tomorrow," he told her, placing his hand over hers.   
  
Jill moved closer and gently kissed him on the neck before moving even closer and kissing him on the lips. He resisted at first, but gradually gave in to the pressure of her mouth against his. After a couple of minutes, he pulled away and looked at her.  
  
"Are you sure you want to do this? Are you sure it's okay?" He asked as Jill smiled.   
  
"It's okay. I asked the doctor this morning. And, as for whether I'm sure I want to do this, I'm very sure. This was one of the memories that made me come back. I love you so much, Mike," she said, taking his hand and placing it on her breast. "I want you."  
  
He groaned softly when he felt her nipple harden under his palm. He opened the front of her gown and reached inside, needing to feel her bare skin against his hand. He kissed and nibbled on her neck before moving down her body, leaving a trail of kisses along the way. Jill signed in anticipation and need. Finally Mike reached his destination and gently took her engorged nipple in between his lips, smiling at Jill's intake of breath. He continued to tease her while she began to writhe beneath his hands. After several minutes of exquisite torture, he moved back up and kissed her, exploring and teasing the inside of her mouth.  
  
Jill, meanwhile, was caressing Mike's back as he squirmed with his own need, a need that increased when Jill moved her hands lower down his back toward his behind, squeezing when she reached her destination. He pulled back and smiled at her.  
  
"Vixen," he whispered.  
  
"You know you love every minute," she told him, pulling his head back down to her.  
He pulled her gown over her head before once again making his way downwards, teasing with his lips, tongue and caressing fingers. He slid his hands down the outside of her hips and thighs before sliding her panties down her legs, all the while still exploring and teasing. He groaned loudly when Jill caressed him through his pajama bottoms.   
  
Jill moaned in ecstasy as he shed his clothes and moved back up to kiss her once again. She reached down and guided him into her as he gave his own strangled groan of passion. She wrapped her legs around him as they both began to move in a familiar rhythm. Jill cried out as his hands continued to travel down her body. She pulled him even closer and kissed him deeply, running her hands over his chest.  
  
Mike could feel his climax rapidly approaching and slowed down, wanting to bring Jill over the edge with him. Her cries of pleasure told him that she was rapidly reaching her own climax, as well. She buried her face into his neck to muffle her scream of intense pleasure as she climaxed, feeling Mike's last few thrusts before he came, as well. Mike pulled up to look down into her eyes, brushing the hair out of her still flushed face.  
  
"That was probably the most intense experience of my life," Jill admitted as Mike leaned down to share more lingering kisses.  
  
"I'm glad you enjoyed it," he whispered as she held him closer to her. "But I'm probably getting heavy."  
  
"No, you don't understand. This is always the best part," she said, running her hand down his face. "But can I ask you something?"  
  
"Of course," he answered, kissing her once again.  
  
"Now, that I've made love to you with the beard, do you think you can get rid of it?" She asked.  
  
"First thing in the morning," he promised, rolling to one side and drawing her close to him.  
  
Lying in his arms once again, Jill smiled to herself. She now understood why she'd fought so hard to come back. His love made it hard to ever want to leave. This was where she'd always belonged. "I love you, Mike," she whispered to him, but his only response was to tighten his arms around her as he drifted off to sleep.  
  
THE END 


End file.
